MONDAYS

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Having moved to a new state and a new town I thought  we might as well apply for the charter schools.  We were applying late so probably of us getting in was pretty low. I wasn’t even sure we wanted to go back to “real school.”

Older kid got into a Montessori school and decided they  might as well try it. They could always drop out if it ended up being a bad fit

The kid that I was feeling would benefit most from more structured school did not get in anywhere. So we prepared for one homeschool and one charter school kid. Then 2 days before school started younger kid got a spot at the Waldorf school. If you have followed us at all we are more waldorf than Montessori and I was really excited.

Also, terrified 2 kids at different schools felt so overwhelming and maybe impossible. Then a day before school started Big kid got into the Waldorf school. We switched them over and some of my panic subsided.

Still we have drop off and pick up and packed lunchs and all the things that we didn’t used to have to worry about added into the chaos.

It’s been an adjustment, we catch every illness and I can’t even count the number of “your kid threw up at school please pick them up” calls I have gotten.

Still we do a decent job at the lunches, backpack, out the door thing. I managed to slip away from work for my “lunch” to pick them up at the end of the day and they seem happy. Enjoying the process is huge. Little has deserved knitting during handy work class and came home demanding wooden needles and yarn to create at home.   The project is coming along really well for someone who has no patience for things not being perfect. I really love seeing how proud they are of their work.

So there we are school people again. Back in the rhythm of Monday to Friday.

1st solo knit project

Life

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A lot has happened in the past year.  Europe,  moving, new town, new school, new life.

In September I had some heath stuff and took a good look at how things day to day were going and wasn’t really happy.

So I decided that the best thing to do would be to make a major overhaul. Take thr next 6 months and change the things that were making me unhappy and our lives less than magical.

1st thing that needed to be changed was diet. We had slid into unhealthy eating habits and ease of processed foods that isn’t doing us any favors. 

I cut out processed foods, red meat, cheese, dairy, and started counting calories and keeping a eye on portion size.  Result is 2 months later I’m down 20 pounds. 

Next step is getting more cardio so joined a gym and slowly add self care and other little changes that hopefully will make a difference.

Passport Adventures

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We 1st applied for our passports back in March! The check every line and the mountains of paperwork.

Since kids are minors and their dad lives in another state there was a whole extra mountain of paper to prove that I have permission to get them passports

We took the photos and had our appointment then we waited and waited and waited. Weeks went by I kept checking the website. It said up to 17 weeks for processing. At 18 weeks we all got letters they didn’t like the signature of the official person at the post office and so we had to go back in and do ALL the paperwork again.

Then we waited some more. My passport finally came but there was no sign of the kids, so I waited and then went back into the post office while they called the official folks and checked to see where the kids passports were. Result was they thought any day.

A week and a bit later 2 kids passports in the mail box!

We have plane tickets, train passes, places to sleep, seats on the train under the channel.

55 days from now we will be on our adventures

TRAVELING with Neurodivergent kids.

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The idea of traveling with kids who are neurodivergent and have food allergies while being a mama who is neurodivergent with food allergies, and doing it alone, in places where they may not speak English, or understand why your child is loosing it massive meltdown drama because everything is suddenly too much, feels a lot.

It’s hard enough to collect the energy to get it together for a trip to Costco so days

There are days when the pure amount of energy it will take to drag them out into public for any reason is unthinkable. Clothes, light, food, texture, sounds everything sensory has to be monitored altered too much of this to little of that, the wrong shirt, a smell, balance is lost.

So am I crazy for traveling with my children?

Maybe, let’s be honest. That’s not a great reason not to do it though. So we travelIt doesn’t look like the instagram perfection of other travel families. What we do, how we do it isn’t the same. That is OK. So this is us. What works for us, tips and tricks that help with traveling. Stories about our adventures. The good, bad, join us on our Rambles.

Un masking

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I have been thinking about what I want to write, what I want to say. The urge to write is a strong one for years I have been compelled to write narrate stories collect moments of my life analyzing feelings, events and why it is that I struggle to connect. In retrospect it’s clear that feelings and longing are those of a neurodivergent devide. I have always felt separated, pressed against the glass.

Motherhood was a bit of an equalizer having been a nanny for years I understood babies. While others adrift in boats rocking to find balance I felt able I could research, and be Motherhood. As my babies grew as they became more challenging. Enter Motherhood level special needs, with charting and appointments. The stress and exhausted Motherhood of neurodivergent children. The sensory processing, occupational therapy, physical therapy. Motherhood with calm down tools, fights, headphones

Motherhood became a lonely sea as the others with children who play well together and don’t melt down into sensory overload at every little thing. I was adrift alone when covid hit. There I was on my deserted island. Neurodivergent mother with neurodiverse children. Alone. Lost attempting to be without understanding why again the wall of glass had fallen I was alone

Now with diagnosis and understanding myself better I understand my past better. I am now navigating a new voyage. I am looking though a new lense and understanding how my motherhood understanding my parenting both as a neurodivergent parent and as neurodivergent children. Discovering how we interact without the lense of should be of neuro typical parents and children their journey is not the same different sea and a different vesal all together.

this blog my writing is my exploration of parenting and life the way that my family navigates out challenges to find out way and bloom as we ramble along this path.

Starting

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Its the time of year where kids are getting on yellow buses. More than once someone has asked my kids what grade they are going into, if school is starting and they stare at them bewildered unable to answer. I feel the same way when people ask what we are doing for homeschool.

Its been a year, I should have this right? I don’t know what we a doing. I don’t have a plan. I feel like I should. I feel like I should be doing better, I should be doing more. I should have more activies and books, tea time, morning baskets.

The truth is we do stuff. Managed to make it to the 4h science class, we go to homeschool coop, we watch documentaries and do experiments. I just feel like it’s not enough i should be doing more. There is all the pressure to be the best homeschool mom can be. The perceived pressure of others watching and judging the choices I make, how “on track” or “behind” my kids are.

This year is different in that I am also in class and on campus. I have more to shift between layers of deadlines and papers. Then there is work that has gotten harder and so I must adjust my expectations and be gentle with myself.

Back

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So to recaps whats happened from November to now.

The knee

At the end of November my lovely knee decided it was done. December and January are a blur of bedrest pain mri, surgery. Super fun. Not really. Then February though April was recovering and pt. Made everything really difficult. Its still not 100% what it was but probably as good as it will ever be. So now working on getting back into moving and working out.

Testing

So both kids got tested for all the things.

L has dyslexia and ADHD and auditory processing disorder

C has ADHD and is Autistic he still needs to get tested for APD

THERAPY

C started therapy for eating adverse issues and ot for fine moter skills.

L is on waiting list for a bunch of different therapy for all the things

Most of the spring we had about 7 weekly appointments was so much.

AND THEN

L got a splinter was 12 weeks of multiple days a week appointments somuch antibiotics so much fighting, mri, blood work, more antibiotics, specialist and more specialist finally got the splinter out.

So yeah its been a lot and I decided to go back to college in January so just another thing.

However with all the things we still managed to do homeschool and decided we aren’t going back to regular school. So here we go 2nd year of homeschool!

November 2020

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 Self Care has never been a thing that I am good at doing.  Balance and single mama hood don’t really go together. Pre Pandemic we had a parent support group  I had zumba class, we had play dates and coffee dates.  Then everything shut down and here we are.  I work as a home heath care aid which I love. It is hard work and then I come home to smaller humans. It means that 24/7 I am in charge of other people. With homeschooling there is an added layer of need.  

Trying not to feel burned out is hard. There isn’t anything to look forward to no vacations, no holidays, no get togethers. There is just more of this day in and out.  

So attempting to build something new 

Every morning I have my coffee and listen to music and then do yoga. Sometimes kids join me other times they are still asleep.  

I am working on adding strength training in and zumbia using youtube. 

then after lunch I take mama time. I have a 2 hour nap. It feels very selfish and also sooo needed. It was going to be a break  from kids but every day I end up falling asleep. I set the alarm in the kids room on the Alex they can have screen time or audio books or whatever.

I wake up and then I take a walk usally by myself. Blast my music do a loop of the neighborhood.   

There are more little bits that need to be added in Slowly going to fill our days with moments. 

Tea in the evening with cookies and reading a book out loud.  Drawing, Gratitude journaling, writing in general. counseling, keeping a planner and habit tracker. Making sure getting enough water and steps in. Having fun things we do together that make us laugh. Dance parties, game nights. 

Slowly. bit by bit. 

What do you do for self care?  What helps you keep from getting burned out?

October 2020

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School has been a struggle for one of my small people. Struggling with being told what to do and so much screaming and yelling and name calling. Mama is done.

We did go see some goats and played at the park a bit this week.  They have fallen for goats. There was a request for there to be “more goats in our life”  Which is the goal one day our own place with room to have things like goats and chickens. 
We got out to our favorite arboretum  and took some “school” pictures 

1st Grade
3rd Grade
Class Photo 
our mood this week 

someone was not a fan of picture taking but the light was so lovely and I love the way this barn looks as a backdrop. 

We saw this amazing dragonfly before an emo melt down in which we had to abandon our plans and leave.
Today we tried again it went slightly better. Only slightly.  We managed to walk and look at some leave and bark. We touched all the types of pine trees and tried to figure out which ones would make the best bed like the children in Boxcar children book. They talked about needle shape, how they were clustered together, how pointy they were.  
Then we stopped at the pond had a snack read poems about fall and harvest and a bit of Zen Shorts.  I thought that it was so great and lovely then the meltdown queen decided she hated everything and everyone. So all plans of sketching and writing our own poems got abandoned. 
I’m honestly not sure what to do with her.  More structure more rewards more OT added into the day. It is overwhelming and yet I guess I’m glad that we are homeschooling where its OK that things are chaos and we haven’t found the best way we can keep trying and adjusting. It gets to be all about meeting them where they are just takes a whole lot more research for me to figure out how to do that.