I have been thinking about what I want to write, what I want to say. The urge to write is a strong one for years I have been compelled to write narrate stories collect moments of my life analyzing feelings, events and why it is that I struggle to connect. In retrospect it’s clear that feelings and longing are those of a neurodivergent devide. I have always felt separated, pressed against the glass.

Motherhood was a bit of an equalizer having been a nanny for years I understood babies. While others adrift in boats rocking to find balance I felt able I could research, and be Motherhood. As my babies grew as they became more challenging. Enter Motherhood level special needs, with charting and appointments. The stress and exhausted Motherhood of neurodivergent children. The sensory processing, occupational therapy, physical therapy. Motherhood with calm down tools, fights, headphones

Motherhood became a lonely sea as the others with children who play well together and don’t melt down into sensory overload at every little thing. I was adrift alone when covid hit. There I was on my deserted island. Neurodivergent mother with neurodiverse children. Alone. Lost attempting to be without understanding why again the wall of glass had fallen I was alone

Now with diagnosis and understanding myself better I understand my past better. I am now navigating a new voyage. I am looking though a new lense and understanding how my motherhood understanding my parenting both as a neurodivergent parent and as neurodivergent children. Discovering how we interact without the lense of should be of neuro typical parents and children their journey is not the same different sea and a different vesal all together.

this blog my writing is my exploration of parenting and life the way that my family navigates out challenges to find out way and bloom as we ramble along this path.